Impersonator

The other day I was thinking about what was next on the horizon for me and it got me thinking about what I don’t ever want to be…an impersonator. I have witnessed many of these disappointments in my career. What do I mean by impersonator? I’m talking about co-workers or bosses with highly regarded reputations, but upon getting to actually know them…they resemble a sad display of humanity. You better sit down. This is about getting something off my chest. Something that needed to be said a long time ago. 

I always wonder how these types of people get to their current level? Why are organizational leaders not seeing through the masks they wear? Is it me? Do I not see the qualities that have made them who they are? Am I just not that open-minded or accepting? Do I hold myself to a different standard? Are my expectations of positive leadership on a different level? Maybe?

I once knew a manager who was a peer of mine. I was envious of her. She was the beacon of company culture and everyone thought she was the greatest thing since sliced bread, myself included…until she was my boss. The intrigue slowly fizzled the more I got to know her and this vision I had had of who she was left little to be desired.

She wasn’t a walk-the-talk type of manager. She may have been when she was trying to prove herself; when she first started out, but things change. Oftentimes she spoke highly of people to their face, but behind closed doors was nothing but a junior high school girl gossiping and putting people down. As a subordinate listening to her speak so horribly of people, I often left disgusted and wondering what the hell she was saying about me when I wasn’t around. This also left me wondering who else was engaging her in these discussions peppering her ego to protect themselves. I never agreed with what she said. Probably why we stopped getting along.

Maybe I was a bit jealous of her success. (I will admit that), but she never came across as a person I would want as a mentor or a leader I wanted to follow. Why did everyone else? I became frustrated and defeated in my position. I wanted to change things for the better and be allowed to think outside the box. Manage my business the way it needed to be not how people hundreds of miles away wanted it to be. It was a success and my people were successful, yet she made me feel like a bottom dweller. She constantly put me down, made me feel inferior and never had a positive thing to say. She loved putting me in my place and embarrassing me in front of others. Of course she would never admit that. After fighting too long for my sanity, I quit. I got out as fast as I could and never looked back.

Reflecting back on what transpired, I probably would have done things differently, but at the time I felt I had nowhere to go and no one to trust with how I was feeling. Those that witnessed this frustration, never would have supported me out in the open. It was a sad state of affairs and a true testament to the world of retail. It just goes to show you can never fully trust the people you have lifted up. Those you have surrounded yourself with. Those you thought had your back. It’s all about politics. The what’s in it for me mentality? The what image should I have to impress not the what strengths do I have that impress and empower mentality? Right from wrong.

Imposters are people we don’t speak about in normal conversations. People are always trying to protect themselves. Don’t you think it's time for a change? Retail needs all the help it can get right now. Wouldn’t you agree? I write this now because enough time has passed, and I have come to grips with the person I am and the person I want to be. I have no patience for games. I will not stand by and allow politics to play a more significant role than growth of my people or the belief in said people. I only wish I would have had the courage back then to say these things to the people who mattered. Would they have listened? Perhaps I never would have left a job I loved or perhaps I would have been slowly coached out of a job for having an opinion about someone so loved. Whatever the case, the past is the past. I know my truth. I hope you do.

Strife

Self-Doubt. You know what it is. You know what it feels like. You know how it fills your head. When it comes to managing people, it may enter your mind on a routine basis. This is why managing people is so damn hard. Why? Because all people have different personalities, different viewpoints and different beliefs. This can cause strife in your stores and wreak havoc on your team, but it’s needed to accomplish the goal ahead. To make you the best version of you. You as a boss. A leader. A mentor.

Over the years I have had a few characters on my teams that have been an eye roll of why. What does that mean? I am talking about those that for some reason out of nowhere have decided to make your life difficult by pursuing their own agendas. The ones that ride your successful coat tails, absorb everything they can from your teachings and then decide for themselves that they know enough to take over your position. We have all had them.  They judge your every move. They analyze your every decision. They talk behind your back to any who will listen. They build a defense around their crazy and turn strong individuals with potential into a mockery of all your hard work. It’s hard not to take it personal. It’s hard not to want to shake them and ask them what the hell they are doing. As frustrating as it is, you need them. You need them to make you stronger.

Your business becomes your family. You spend a lot of time together. Sometimes more time than those in your personal lives. When this conflict happens, it sends a knife through your heart and causes you to second guess why you spent so much time developing that person. Most have no idea that you know what is going on, but the entire store feels the frustration. Oftentimes, talking to said individual does nothing, but it does give you insight to why it is happening. Usually it is about salary (finding out someone in the same position is making more), entitlement (getting passed over for a position when tenured in role), or uninformed (not understanding where they are in the grander scheme of things.)

Hey, I have been there. That’s why it is important to try and clear the air from the very beginning. Not easy to do, but you have to, or your leadership will be called into question by a superior. Believe me this subject is always reported to someone other than yourself. You will be the last person they come to in fear of upsetting the status quo. Because they don’t want to hear your side of the story. That would make them the bad guy. That’s why it’s important to come to the following conclusion.

It’s time for them to go. No question. No more fighting. You aren’t giving up on them. You just won’t win this one. My answer, help them find a new role. Whether it is in your store or somewhere new. Give them the reigns. If they think they are ready, why hold them back? Sell them to competitors when there is an opening. Push them out and focus on those that want to continue on the current path. No hard feelings.

What about those that want you out and won’t leave? You need to win the battle by proving why you are in the position you are. Why you are the boss. Remember, numbers are everything. How is your business doing? How is your tenure? How are your store visits? What does your shrink look like? What does home office think about you? What type of leader have you proven to be.

To make a long story short…practice what you preach and for goodness sake lead by example. Don’t give them anything to use against you. Retail life is hard. There are a lot of politics involved at the higher levels. People are judged unfairly by first impressions all the time. Fight for your why’s. Strife will never go away, but there are things you can do to make it manageable.

Battle Tested

It’s true. I am. You are. We have been through it all. We have made good and bad decisions. Good and bad mistakes. We have fought an uphill battle and survived. We have fought a downhill battle and made it through without failure. We have failed. We have learned. We have grown.

Does this sound familiar? It should. Most managers have gone through it. If you haven’t then your time will come and it won’t be easy. No amount of ass kissing or trying to talk your way out of things will make a difference. You will be pushed to the limit. Stretched thin and lastly you will cower to an unwavering boss that thinks you deserve it because they think so. It sucks, but believe me, you will survive. It will define who you are as a manager, a leader and more importantly…a person.

Pretty dramatic? I know. I am battle tested. I have been there. At some point, you have to ask yourself whether or not this is something that you can live with. Are these decisions worth the time you spent solving the problem and not receiving credit? Are the hours away from your personal life worth the rungs on the ladder climbed to succeed worth the mindset that you deserve. Are the angry entitlements of your direct reports back stabbing you whenever they get a chance not knowing you hear everything worth the silence it takes to help them grow into better people worth it?

I asked myself these things everyday throughout my career. I had sleepless nights pondering what I could do to just make everything copasetic. Make my environment a bit more manageable. Coerce those around me to drink the Kool-Aid and jump on board someone else’s vison train. I hated the politics. I REALLY hated the politics. It almost destroyed me, but you know want? It made me the person I am today. I don’t care about that shit anymore. I care about you and helping those of you get through it. Like I did for 27 years.

Too old. Too opinionated. Soften yourself. Too masculine. Too soft. Too compassionate. Not compassionate enough. Handle change. Lead change. Bring about change. Don’t change. It is enough to make you sick. It did. It made me sick. Panic attacks. I was pushed, prodded and driven to levels of hell I never thought I’d see, but I survived it. Grew from it. Inspired a new sense of self from it. That is what it means to be battle tested, at least to me.

I’d like to think I made some type of difference in the lives of those I worked with. I hear I did. I watch them in their careers now and believe the insanity that we went through together meant something to them. It did to me. I am in a reflective state of mind these days trying to figure out my next adventure. I am not sure what that is exactly, but I do know I need to make a difference. I need to share my experiences. I want to believe in the abilities of people and push them toward growth. I know those things to be true. The world is changing. People care less about each other and more about themselves and how everything affects them. A selfish mentality that has made managing people harder than it has ever been. Why? What has changed? What will it take to make people like people again?