Impersonator

The other day I was thinking about what was next on the horizon for me and it got me thinking about what I don’t ever want to be…an impersonator. I have witnessed many of these disappointments in my career. What do I mean by impersonator? I’m talking about co-workers or bosses with highly regarded reputations, but upon getting to actually know them…they resemble a sad display of humanity. You better sit down. This is about getting something off my chest. Something that needed to be said a long time ago. 

I always wonder how these types of people get to their current level? Why are organizational leaders not seeing through the masks they wear? Is it me? Do I not see the qualities that have made them who they are? Am I just not that open-minded or accepting? Do I hold myself to a different standard? Are my expectations of positive leadership on a different level? Maybe?

I once knew a manager who was a peer of mine. I was envious of her. She was the beacon of company culture and everyone thought she was the greatest thing since sliced bread, myself included…until she was my boss. The intrigue slowly fizzled the more I got to know her and this vision I had had of who she was left little to be desired.

She wasn’t a walk-the-talk type of manager. She may have been when she was trying to prove herself; when she first started out, but things change. Oftentimes she spoke highly of people to their face, but behind closed doors was nothing but a junior high school girl gossiping and putting people down. As a subordinate listening to her speak so horribly of people, I often left disgusted and wondering what the hell she was saying about me when I wasn’t around. This also left me wondering who else was engaging her in these discussions peppering her ego to protect themselves. I never agreed with what she said. Probably why we stopped getting along.

Maybe I was a bit jealous of her success. (I will admit that), but she never came across as a person I would want as a mentor or a leader I wanted to follow. Why did everyone else? I became frustrated and defeated in my position. I wanted to change things for the better and be allowed to think outside the box. Manage my business the way it needed to be not how people hundreds of miles away wanted it to be. It was a success and my people were successful, yet she made me feel like a bottom dweller. She constantly put me down, made me feel inferior and never had a positive thing to say. She loved putting me in my place and embarrassing me in front of others. Of course she would never admit that. After fighting too long for my sanity, I quit. I got out as fast as I could and never looked back.

Reflecting back on what transpired, I probably would have done things differently, but at the time I felt I had nowhere to go and no one to trust with how I was feeling. Those that witnessed this frustration, never would have supported me out in the open. It was a sad state of affairs and a true testament to the world of retail. It just goes to show you can never fully trust the people you have lifted up. Those you have surrounded yourself with. Those you thought had your back. It’s all about politics. The what’s in it for me mentality? The what image should I have to impress not the what strengths do I have that impress and empower mentality? Right from wrong.

Imposters are people we don’t speak about in normal conversations. People are always trying to protect themselves. Don’t you think it's time for a change? Retail needs all the help it can get right now. Wouldn’t you agree? I write this now because enough time has passed, and I have come to grips with the person I am and the person I want to be. I have no patience for games. I will not stand by and allow politics to play a more significant role than growth of my people or the belief in said people. I only wish I would have had the courage back then to say these things to the people who mattered. Would they have listened? Perhaps I never would have left a job I loved or perhaps I would have been slowly coached out of a job for having an opinion about someone so loved. Whatever the case, the past is the past. I know my truth. I hope you do.